Judgment has served humanity since time immemorial. Judgment is a natural way for us to determine what serves us or not, how to protect ourselves from harm, create new opportunities for ourselves, or make sure that we get what we deserve.
Judgment is not generally a bad thing , but will only become a destructive action if it is not founded on truth, compassion, and kindness.
Many people judge in order to destroy since it is their way of validating their worldview. They also function based on their biases and only see the negative in order to make them feel better about themselves and boost their ego and self-esteem.
No matter what we do, no matter how much we try, there are always people who will judge us harshly and out of spite, and here’s a couple of ways on how to deal with it:
- Let Yourself Feel Your Emotions- It is only natural to feel angry, flustered, indignant and defensive when someone judges you harshly. Let yourself feel and don’t repress your emotions. If you feel that you can’t deal with it, find healthy outlets for your emotions. Engage in some physical exercise, write and journal about your feelings, meditate, do some breathing exercises, get back to nature, or you can distract yourself through doing your favorite hobbies until you feel ready to deal with your emotions. When you feel like you can handle your emotions, you can now address the party involved.
- Address the Issue to the Party Involved – It is imperative that we get the criticism or judgment directly from the person who is judging us. We should not rely on secondhand or thirdhand information that may be inaccurate and riddled with biases that may or may not have been said by the judger. We should be composed and talk directly to the person, preferably in private, to clear the air and examine where they are coming from.
- Understand Where The Judger is Coming From- Now this is a lot more difficult than it sounds. This requires you to play devil’s advocate and see things from the judger’s point of view. No matter how harshly or apathetically people judge you, their criticisms and judgment can still serve as a guide for you to improve yourself. You can still find value in their arguments even if you are disrespected or hated. If you find that their judgments are not true, then don’t try to change yourself or alter your behavior.
- Explain Your Side – Even if you know that most people who judge harshly won’t change their opinions on you, it is important to explain what you believe in. You owe it to yourself to stand up for yourself and do your best to debunk misconceptions about you. Make sure that you prepare yourself emotionally when doing this. Do not resort to personal attacks, intimidation, and threats. Focus on preserving yourself, not destroying the other person. Once you do this examine their reaction to you to see how emotionally mature they are, and subsequently, help you on the next step.
- Determine and Evaluate Your Relationship with the Judger – Now that you have addressed the issue to the Judger, you will know how toxic he or she is based on the reaction. Be ruthless if you do decide to have them become significantly less involved or not involved in your life anymore. However, it is understandable that most of the harshest judgers in our life are those we cannot realistically get rid of easily. Most of these are family members, friends, and other people who are intertwined in our lives in many ways. In this case you can set strong boundaries with them or you can grey rock (a technique involving being cold, neutral, and unengaging to be perceived as a person who cannot be affected by judgment tactics) them. Implement these boundaries, whether you will never get involved with them again, or let them have a very limited involvement in your life, or give them a second chance (forgive but DO NOT forget!). Remember that you are your priority. Protect yourself and your mental and emotional well-being at all costs.
- Accept and Move On – Now that you have come to terms and decided what to do with the judger, try your best to move on by maintaining the boundaries with the judger, understanding who has your back and who genuinely cares for you and going to them more. Accept also that the person or people who have judged you spitefully don’t necessarily know the truth about your situation. Everyone is going through different things, and no one understands your circumstances better than you do. People would say things no matter what in order to give them a sense of importance. The best revenge you can give them is not minding them, continuing being yourself, doing things that are important to you, and not being affected by their opinions.